Can’t stop scrolling through your friends’ feed? And yours?

Pheww.. gotta admit that the question is pretty blunt. But hey, who doesn't do that?

Right? Anyhow, have you ever ask yourself that? As a person full of anxieties and

low self esteem like myself, I asked myself that quite often. Over and above,

here are my experience (of course, this is relating to my own mental health too).

What's the point, anyway?

We wanted equate control of our lives with others. In instance, we often feel that our needs are not enough. To simply put it, what others have and what we don't. Does that make sense? Alright, I may sound like I am pointing this to every person on this earth but that's how I see it. If I am wrong, my pardon. Then read again above and change "we" to "I/my/me". And then ask yourself, what are you doing in my blog anyway?

Try to consider reading these.. Or maybe thank me later.

Social media is riddled with contradictions. It can be fun but also infuriating. It can make you feel less alone, but also trigger feelings of isolation and inadequacy. And can we talk about the trolls? If you’re spending a lot of time on social media, or on your phone in general, it can be hard to imagine life without it.

For that reason, you see social media indirectly causes stalking. Indeed, social media is a useful tool for engaging, tracking your long lost friend and what so not.

It's easy, just click/swipe/scroll. As a consequence, it gives a sense of entitlement of what we want to see in the screen. Which eventually leads to the feeling of wanting to see MORE. And.. then you realized you're stalking. After all, the other person doesn't know anyway. Does this make sense now?

I am trying to explain it in general. Somehow that just popped out from my head.This is exactly why. I am not saying that stalking is a nasty thing to do though. How should I put this.. it is not intended to intrude other's business. If so, why do we post stuffs right?

"I feel so happy that I get to go out to have my favourite frappuccino at starbucks today! Lemme just post this, the whip cream looks so alluring!" > Caption : "Sunday Funday" > Post.

I hope these rings you a bit. Otherwise, I don't even know how to shake you. My bad.

Moving on. Why do I constantly scroll through my own feed over and over again?

"Is my profile interesting enough?" "Do I look good in this pic?"

"Euuu I can't believe I posted that > Delete".

Actually there are more questions attacking my own mind while I stalked myself. It's tiring, and suffering in silence. Oh my, with a brain like mine, sometimes even a typo caused me to feel so ashamed and stupid. Why? Because of the feeling of fear to be judged. Oh yes, insecurities. But why? Perception to fulfill an expectation to a given society. It's a curse in every culture, if I had to say it. Frankly speaking, I have been struggling to love and accept myself for years and it has been ongoing. Thus, I began to detox myself from social media and removed all accounts because the self criticism is hurting me. I feel anxious, no self-assurance, not enough sleep and the list goes on.

Prevail upon my decision to stay away from social media, I feel a lot better. Again, I am not bias, this is my thought and not meant for everyone. But maybe you should consider it someday? Taking a break is not harmful. And let me know later on. Okay by means of feeling a lot better, I actually changed a lot. I learned a lot of stuffs. I began writing this blog, just to add in. I learnt self acceptance and still on my journey of finding my inner peace. Well, my brain is a bit tough to deal with sometimes.

Just my two cents. Peace out.